I accidentally had phone sex last night
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
