GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
