So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
vagina is talking i cant
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
