im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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