I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
