I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
