please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
