remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
