she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
