I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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