Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
