i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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