I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
