I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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