My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
