Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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