you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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