he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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