I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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