I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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