youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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