I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
