You can't motorboat a personality
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
