Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
