I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
