i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
