hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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