haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
