dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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