i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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