Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
