No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
