Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
