Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
