I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
