Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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