I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
