Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
