somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
