this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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