Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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