i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
