somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
