dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
