Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
