I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
