in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
