if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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