Me too!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
