I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
