I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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