I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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