Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
