We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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