burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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