So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
