she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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