Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
